Letters to the past.

Old friend, 

I know we don't talk much, 
and it's not like me to back track to the past,
but it's this time of year when I think of you the most.

You were comfort. 
Like the sweatshirt you grab on the first chilly night of autumn.
It's broken in, and has holes and stains in spots that can't be removed.
But, it's happiness.
You're the perfect kind of fucked up that I'll never be able to throw away.

And you were there on those old autumn nights.
And even though you still send messages out of the blue that give me chills, 
instead of reaching for you lately, like that hoodie, 
I choose now to put you away.

I miss you dearly, darling, 
but wearing you only brings out the worst in me.

Sometimes, we need to discard of things that bring us back to the cold.
And I apologize.
I truly do.

But instead of thinking of me with a blackened heart,
remember me smiling riding shotgun, 
wearing the holes and stains you left. 

I hope you're well.
And I send my love for the last time.

xo, 
K.

I ain't settling.

Rant time.

There comes a point in every big girls life where she just has to settle. 

Settling for a certain type of jean, or cut of a dress.

I decided to become a fashion major when I realized how much I

 hated the assortment of clothing provided to people above a size 12 in small and major retailers. 

Nothing irritates me more than seeing beautiful, thick women, having to wear clothes with styles from 1978 because no one takes the time to focus on a market that is, now, growing in our society.

So what do we do?

We settle for that fucking ugly wrap dress that doesn't flatter anyone, because it's the only one that will fit. Yes, i'm bitter. I can't help it. I'm so tired of settling.

It's not just clothes, though, I've realized.

And I don't know if I'm the only one who does this, but instead of searching for more, I settle. 

I've never been like this. 

I've always reached for the stars, but lately I've been stopping at the clouds. 

This is such a leap backwards, and if you're on the same path, 

turn around. 

Don't settle for shit that doesn't make you happy 

just because it's the easier thing to do.

Don't settle for people, "friends" who are simply going to take advantage of your kindness.

It doesn't matter how much you think they'll change, because they literally never will.

You're more than a doormat.

Don't settle for the boy who will hold you when the door is shut, but not when you're in public.

If he's not willing to put you on a pedestal in front of his friends, and strangers alike, and say "this is my girl, and she is beautiful in every way", then don't buy his act. It's not worth the pain, trust me. 

At the end of the night, as much as you may want it, just know he won't text you in the morning. 

So, class, what have we learned today?

Don't settle for clothes that your grandma would wear just because they're the easiest to find.

Don't settle for people who would rather lean on your bank account than your shoulder.

Don't settle for a boy who simply wants you in the dark, when you deserve nothing but light.

And absolutely don't settle for that fucking wrap dress. 

Sometimes, we deserve to put ourselves first.

End rant.

Love you guys.

Be good to yourselves.

X, 

k.