Goodbye, lover.

It's a really eye opening moment when you realize that you deserve better. 

I found myself settling for lust over love, 

because that's all I've ever received.

I've never been the skinny girl, or the pretty girl, 

so I never saw myself worthy of receiving true, unbridled, wild love. 

It's scary finding yourself in

situations where you know, 

wholeheartedly, that you are being used.

Used for companionship, comfort, confirmation,

 or simply in times of alcohol induced lust. 

I am nobody's toy.

You cannot pick me up, play me out, and toss me away when you get bored.

I've realized that I deserve a bit more.

A bit more than being a secret.

A bit more than being someone you are embarrassed to admit you caved for. 

A bit more than your 3am Saturday night liquor kiss. 

I want to be someone's Sunday morning.

Someone's arm to hold while walking down the street.

Someone's pride and joy.

Someone's beloved.

I'm sorry. 

I'm over you.

xo, 

K.

Black and white.

So since I've been working, I've been shopping. 

This entire outfit is of course from Torrid. 

Black pleated midi skirt: 48.50

White chiffon tank top: 38.50

Black chain sandals: 34.50

Michael Kors tortoise watch.

and a measuring tape. 

Once you stop giving a fuck about what other people think, 

you find clothes that you love. 

XO, 

k.

Inspiration everywhere.

So these past few weeks have been very, how can i say this....new?

After I graduated, my plans were to live here, 
get into an apartment with my best friend, 
and live happily ever after in my southern dream world. 

Things started getting complicated before graduation,
though, and me being the panic attack prone psycho I am, 
quickly saw my dream falling apart. 

Everyone started moving back home, and I was still living in my on campus apartment working minimum wage two-three nights a week.

At this point, I couldn't afford my groceries,
and the thought of paying rent absolutely terrified me
(and it still does, no lie). 

I needed a push.
Something to tell me that living here was the right thing to be doing.
Something to assure me that I was making the right choice.

After a panic attack during a rain storm in my parking lot,
I decided to go up stairs, sit on my balcony, and just breathe for a few seconds.
If you know me, you know I'm terrified of thunder and lightning,
so just to show how completely out of it I was,
I literally went upstairs and sat facing the city, 
during torrential down pours and probably 
the worst thunder and lightning storm I've ever seen.

I was hysterical. I thought that I was going to have to pack up my little room, pull down my decals, and move back home, and give up on everything I had worked at for the last 5 years. I was praying through my tears, finally calmed down, and went inside to check my phone. I had a message from my mom, just checking in on me as she always does, even when I'm a raging bitch. I had just hung up on her twice, like I said, raging bitch, yet she still texted me. I went back outside when the storm calmed down, and new something had changed. The atmosphere felt different, as it always does after a storm.  

Between the buildings of my little city, I saw this, right infront of me. 


I felt such a wave of relief. 
I knew that I just needed a sign. 
Something told me I'm okay.
And there it was. 



Since then, I've been promoted twice within my company, and have been told that within a year to a year and a half, I'll be training to be moved to work at headquarters in a buyers position. I can afford my groceries, splurged on my dream purse, and couldn't be closer with my family. 

My dream job.




It just takes time. And it's so hard to believe that. 
But I'm starting to believe that things happen for a reason.
I hope you can see it too.

I just needed to let this out, because you can truly find inspiration in the smallest of things.

For instance, today in the car, I was listening to Jason Derulo on spotify (because he's bae), and one of his acoustic sessions came on, and it was an intro of him talking about how Jon Bellion, a now big time music producer, produced the song Trumpets for him. He was talking about how this "kid" was incredibly talented and would become something someday.

Jon Bellion went to my high school. I remember being like absolutely in love with him after watching him play piano at like, some talent show or something. He's living his dream.
Little things like that spotify interview push me everyday. 
Knowing that people, like Jon, from my hometown, are following their passions and becoming something make me want to do better for myself.

I'm so happy to be living this adventure. 
And even more blessed to be doing it with the support of my family, 
and with my best friend on my side. I couldn't do it without her. 


Sorry for rambling, but I had to let this out. 
Don't panic.
Just take a second, breathe, and know that these things happen for a reason.

Love y'all.
K.