Hello lovelies,
I kind of wanted to talk about something today I've never really admitted or spoken out about. I've been thinking a lot about it and maybe someone else has felt the same way, so here I go.
I was asked recently about how old I was when I started doing my "winged liner." If you know me, I've done a bold liquid eyeliner wing for a super long time. It's become part of what I like to think is my signature look, along with my hair. I was probably 12 or 13. I don't particularly remember a specific age when I began really getting into makeup. But I had a TON of it in jr. high and high school.
Thinking about it now, I never admitted it to myself, but those things are what deflected peoples attention from the fact that I was, and am still fat. I always thought that if my hair and makeup were perfect, I was somehow not just the "fat" girl. If I wore cute clothes and stayed in style with the popular girls, even though I could never fit in the stores they shopped, I knew I'd be golden.
I knew that if I was funny, and made jokes about myself before other people said mean things, they'd be less inclined to say them at/in front of me.
Going through this journey has opened my eyes to a lot of small things I've done subconsciously to try to steer peoples attention away from my stomach, my arms, my hips, anything really. I remember crying and begging my mom to take me to CVS before school because my hair straightner broke and I refused to let my hair look bad.
Makes sense, right?
Well, to me it did, and still, sometimes, does.
Simply because, people are so shallow, that it makes it easy to deflect someones attention from one flaw to something I saw as "better."
I'm just sort of embracing the "carefree" kind of aspect of life now. When it comes down to it, if you're a shitty person, I don't want you anywhere near me. A bad heart is very clear to see quickly.
Cheers to throwing garbage people out and leaving them in 2017.
Thank you to everyone for all of the love and support lately.
Yall mean the world to me.
xo, K.
