When the walls crumble.

I know some of you stumble upon this page accidentally, 

and I thank you for even taking even a quick glance at it. 

But for me, this little engine that could has been my safe place for quite a while now.

I've changed a lot since my first post.

I've gained confidence that I never had before 

from the kind words of people who take the time to read my ranting words. 

I've struggled for a really, 
really long time with body image and to this day I still do. 

But some days are just worse than others. 

Like today.

Walls that I've worked so hard to tear down,

just seem to rebuild themselves so quickly.

There are days where I feel like no one can stop me, 
and that if I really wanted to, 

I could fly high enough with my winged liner 
and stumpy arms and grab the stars.

Then, there are days where it is impossible to leave the comforting grip of my sheets.

Why?

Somewhere in the back of my mind,
 after past relationships and days long gone,

I truly believe I will never be good enough for anyone. 

I still believe that I'll never find someone, 
who will actually take pride in holding my hand, 

and being able to introduce me as "theirs." 

And I know that this is a terrible thing to say. 

And this is something I've been working to overcome. 

But it's an incredibly hard mountain to climb 
when history just keeps seeming to repeat itself.

And it fucking hurts, 
it really, really does.

Sometimes we just want to be held so badly, 

that we fall into the arms of people who are willing to drop us. 

So what does one do?

We settle for being someones Saturday night, 

when in reality all we want is to be a Sunday morning.

It's awful, and degrading, and insanely discouraging. 

The stars just seem a little further away on nights like tonight.

I don't really know where I'm going with this. 

Again, this is my safe place. 

I hope that you find someone who craves you in the most innocent way.

Goodnight, 

k.

"Oh we're going down, 

and you know that we're doomed.

My dear, we're slow dancing 

in a burning room."