Allodoxaphobia.

Definition:

The fear of opinions.

The hardest part of being a girl in our society today is having to deal with our own self conscious thoughts due to opinions we have heard from others. I know I touch on this often, but tonight I feel like I really need to just free a few things from my burdened mind. 

I've come past the point of being afraid to wear certain things, and I'm starting to take pride in certain inches of my "flawed" body, but every day is a constant struggle. Not just, you know, "the struggle is hard", haha, move on, type struggle. The struggle of not wanting to get out of bed. The struggle of trying on every shirt in your closet twice and then contemplating calling out of work because you're so embarrassed of the way your arms,or your stomach, or your chest looks in it. Sending yourself into anxiety attacks and risking relationships because you've been so hurt by opinions that people have had of you in the past, or things they've said, is a more than a struggle. It's pain. 

I'm here to say this to you in case no one else did today. Please, please, please, say thank you when someone calls you beautiful instead of rejecting the compliment. Do not do this to yourself. You're allowed to feel sexy, and embrace yourself, and let others embrace you regardless of your weight, your skin color, your hair color, your height, and any other characteristic that you see as a flaw. I'm preaching this because it's something I've been trying to work on within myself, and I see it as a step in my body positivity journey. 

I've always been one to criticize myself harder than anyone else would, because I take everything anyone says to the next level. For instance, if someone says "you're fat", I not only hear "you're fat", I hear: you're ugly, you're disgusting, you're repulsive, you're embarrassing, you're not good enough to be loved, and you never will be loved, so on and so forth. But this isn't true. None of it is. Please listen to me, even if you do not know me, or have never met me; people say things in order to deflect negative thoughts about themselves on to you, because they're too weak to handle it. You do not have to do this to yourself. You should get out of bed and fall in love with yourself every fucking morning. You deserve to be loved as strongly as Noah loved Allie, Jack loved Rose, and Johnny loved June. 

I'm sending positive vibes and praying for my anxiety riddled, self conscious readers who are fighting the opinions of others while looking bomb as hell and absolutely kicking ass while doing so.

All of my love, 

Kristen Nicole.