June mess.

Hello lovelies.

I'd normally start by apologizing for my lack of posts in the last few weeks, but I'm not going to do that. I have been a mess these past few weeks and I really don't know how to explain it or describe it other than a "funk." I've started a new incredible job, moved into a beautiful new apartment with my best friend, and I am doing everything possible to make myself happy first. Here's the thing; I don't think I am unhappy, because my life is full of so much love, but there have been days where I literally cannot pull myself out of bed. 

Some of the closest people in my life are the ones I'm pushing away and that terrifies me, and I can't stop. I don't know how to talk about what's "wrong" because I literally have no idea what to say. I feel like I'm writing this today because I have so many words built up inside of me and I needed to spit something out before I explode. Maybe it's hormones, or what not, but I'm so ready to feel like myself again. When I catch myself literally struggling to get in the shower, or get out of the car to go into a shop, or to do my hair, I get so agitated. I get irritable and hard to be around and I can't help but fear that people will be disheartened and leave. And maybe I haven't been the best friend lately, but god fucking damnit, I am fighting something bigger than myself and I'm tired of apologizing for not "hanging out." If I were in others shoes, I wouldn't want to be around me either, but you see, what I think makes me different than others is I over sympathize with any situation. I make myself look like a fucking jackass, and I try to cling to people who push me away, so I internally think the same will be done in return. And yet, it hasn't. And I end up looking like the bad guy. And I'm not shocked.

So what I'm saying, and asking, for anyone who has beautiful eyes that dance along this rant, is for a little support, and understanding, that know that sometimes anxiety is weird. And hard to handle. What does one do to pull yourself out of this? 

With all of my love,

K.

Bronzed beauty.

Hello lovelies, 

As a girl who grew up on Long Island, and whose whole family has beautiful olive Italian skin tones, I have learned to love bronzer as much any "guido." (No offense, of course.) 

I feel as though bronzer can be one of the tougher products to kind of nail down ; because in my case, if I use too little, I look like a ghost, and if I use too much, I look either orange, or too damn dark and then my face doesn't match my neck.

Just a couple suggestions as to my favorite bronzers, as we are getting deeper into spring time and closer to summer, it is easy to go from pale to orange, and NOBODY has time for that. All of these recommendations are matte shades too, because unless I'm going out and using shimmery tones on say the highlight area, or collar bones, I want nothing to do with glittery bronzer. 

1. Benefit Hoola Bronzer

Now, I know this has been out for a hot second, but the thing is, it's a one size fits all kind of product. If you use this deeper chocolate toned bronzer very sparingly on the forehead, temples, cheeks, ect, it is a beautiful look. It can also be used to contour using the right brushes, and correct amount. This can be found in store like Ulta, and Sephora. I've had mine for probably five months and just hit pan on it this week. It's worth the little boost in price, definitely. 

2. Rimmel Natural Bronzer: Sundance

Super light powder, but as much as you pile on, it doesn't ever seem cakey, or as if you've dipped your face in paint. I've been using this product for YEARS and I recommend rimmel face powders over any drugstore product. The only bad thing about this, is since it is a compacted powder, they tend to shatter easily once you've used a majority of the product. Other than that, I have no complaints, and use this all of the time.

3. Too Faced Milk Chocolate Soleil - Light Medium

Y'all, if you need a chocolate fix but you're on a diet, ya need this. Not only is it probably one of the easiest bronzers to wear, but it smells like straight up hot cocoa. It lasts all day, and doesn't ever get splotchy. I went for light medium when I purchased it, thinking it would be a perfect transition color for me going into the summer, and so far, so good. Worth the $. 

What are your recommendations for summer products?

Let me know!

Until then, 

K.

Mirror, mirror.

Hi lovelies, 

I recently watched a short video on YouTube about body positivity, 

but it wasn't like any I had ever seen before. 

It changed the way I will speak aloud about myself forever. 

The concept of the video was for others to hear the

 negative things we say about ourselves. 

Instead of looking into a mirror and saying nasty horrible things that we think, 

the people were directing the comments at their best friends. 

My heart hurt terribly watching it. 

I could never imagine saying the awful things that I think about myself, 

to another human being, let alone, my best friend.

It started by the girls already becoming emotional,

 holding cue cards, and telling each other 

"I love you."

 Then, each girl read a card with a flaw that they think about themselves personally, 

and directed it toward the other. 

For example...one read

 "people are going to make fun of the way your fat falls over your bra strap," 

something that bothers her,

 but that her friend may not have known she internally hates about herself.

The look in the eyes of the friends were sheer horror 

as they heard what the other truly thought about themselves. 

It made me really think deeply about the things

 I saw outwardly to my friends about my personal issues with my body.

 Now, I'm not saying that we should suppress our feelings 

and not speak aloud about what's going on in our heads;

 what I am saying though, is to truly think about it.

 The people who you call your best friends, love you, unconditionally. 

They do not judge you based on your "flaws'', 

and should hold you up on a pedestal. 

This is the video, directed by The Scene 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LzT2ZzDXceg

Take a second, watch the entire thing, and really let it sink it.

You are beautiful.

Stop bringing yourself down. 

I love you all dearly, 

Kristen.

Morning skincare routine

Hi lovelies!

It's been a bit, I know, but I'm really wanting to get back into my old ways of posting more frequently.  I figured I'd start here. My skin, for the longest time, be it stress or the weather or hormones, was a complete pain in the ass. I tried just about everything to get it back to its normal state, and these products each morning have saved my life y'all.

1. Yes to Cucumbers : 

calming micellar cleansing water

A dream in a bottle. I have loved micellar water for a very long time. Using a product to remove makeup that doesn't consist of heavy oils is such a life saver. My skin is combination to oily, so finding a product that actually removes my makeup and leaves my skin feeling fresh is very exciting. 

2. First Aid Beauty: 

3 in 1 Bouncy Mask

Using this mask even two to three times a week had brought so much life back to my skin after the winter. Regardless of Charlotte not being freezing cold in the winter, the cold air still sucks a ton of moisture from your skin. Applying this to my cheeks, chin, forehead, and under eyes has made my skin feel tighter and even had brightened it a bit. 

3. Clarins: 

Light Comfort Lip Oil

If you've ever had chapped or damaged lips in any way, this shall be your new holy grail product. It is incredibly replenishing and soothing without being extremely heavy. I will recommend this to anyone and everyone I'll ever meet. 

4. Pixie: 

Glow Tonic

I use this instead of using a toner, and it leaves my skin feeling so incredibly clean and fresh, without burning or damaging it all. Along with the other products, I've seen areas of my skin become brighter and look so much better than before. It's a YouTube beauty favorite, so I decided to try it, and I fell in love.

5. Yes to Tomatoes: 

Daily Balancing Moisturizer 

I'm probably the worst at applying moisturizer daily. Keeping this little bottle next to my makeup reminds me to apply it daily, and it genuinely has calmed my skin so much. Also, I find products last a lot longer on my skin since I've started applying it. It keeps my skin feeling healthy without feeling heavy.   

6. Mario Badescue: Rose facial spray

Way better than using an artificial or chemical based setting spray, this rose water based facial spray leaves you feeling refreshed and dewy without looking greasy. I apply this before and after I do my makeup for the day, and sometimes throughout the day if I feel my skin getting dry. 

What are your everyday products? 

Let me know!

Until then,

K. 

travel.

     I don't know what it is about traveling that seems to bring a sense of renewal to our systems. Every once in a while, I find myself needing a bit of space from almost everything. It may just be me, but I know if I'm in one place for too long, I feel the need to break out.

I probably sound crazy, but if you have a bit of a gypsy heart like me, you know exactly what I mean. I can feel the seasons in my life changing, just as they do here on earth. For a good little bit, I was at the absolute lowest point I had been in a very long time. I couldn't see myself or anything good in any situation, which is not me, at all. It scares me that a lack of financial security, even for a short period of time, shook me the way it did; which is why I decided it would never happen again. I will forever be the most stubborn person I know. I refuse to sink, as cliche as that may sound. Even if I was on the brink of drowning, I clung to the surface with every ounce of strength I had.

Sitting on the porch at the first home I ever knew, I feel so aware of how far I've come. Though I know there is so much stability here, and an obvious cop out to the difficulties I was facing for so long, this is not where I need to grow. I don't know if I'll ever be the type of girl to plant my roots in any land. I'll occupy branches where I find grace and light and love. I think I'll always attach to people more than places.

I found myself recently distancing myself from souls and spirits that I love dearly. Not writing. Not doing my makeup. Not answering my phone, or responding to attempts to chat. I knew right then, when I caught myself doing so, that I needed just a bit of breathing room.

I am rambling. I can't help it sometimes. But to anyone out there where the weight of the world seems to be crushing your spirit and pulling the happiness out of your soul, take a day, maybe five, and just relax. Find yourself again. Take a deep breath, and remember that this life is simply what you make it.

All of my love,
k.

Smell ya later.

Hi lovelies, 

One of my favorite things in the whole world is perfume.

 I am completely obsessed with anything that smells good,

 and if it can make me smell good,

 I'm going to have it. 

This is probably going to sound really weird, 

but I know a lot of people will probably agree, I tie events, people, 

and memories to smells. 

When a certain candle, perfume, or cologne,

 reminds me of a person or a place I've been, it triggers emotion.

Okay, enough weird Kristen mentality rambling, 

here are my top fragrances from the past year.

1. Jo Malone 

Peony and Blush Suede

- I've discussed this in a previous post, but if you get the chance to smell this, you will know what I typically smell like. I was initially intrigued by this after hearing multiple of my favorite youtubers raving about it, and the second I tried it and realized it worked really well with my skin, I had to have it. Its ridiculously expensive, but I've had it for about 2 months, wear way too much of it on the daily, and it's barely made a dent. If you're looking for a simple, clean yet floral everyday scent, ya need to check this out. 

2. Marc Jacobs 

Daisy Dream

- If you knew me in high school, all I ever wore was Daisy by Marc Jacobs. I carried the huge bottle in my multi color Coach tote bag and thought I was the classiest bitch. I love Daisy with all of my heart, but Daisy Dream completely steals the show for me. The notes include: blackberry, blue wisteria, coconut water, white woods, jasmine, ect. Daisy dream is a perfect everyday fruity floral, and is a fun, long lasting fragrance. 

3. Soap & Glory 

Original Pink Body Spray

- Y'all, Soap & Glory is killing the damn game. I live by the "Clean On Me" body wash, and "Face Soap and Clarity Facial Wash", but I picked up two of the body sprays to give as gifts and ended up keeping both for myself. Shame on me, right? Not sorry at all. It is DELICIOUS. Fragrance notes include: rose ( which I typically despise), jasmine, patchouli, and summer rain. Probably one of the best body sprays I've ever used, and it's SIX dollars for a 3.3oz bottle. Winning. (do people still say that, because I'm not stopping.)

4. Victoria's Secret 

Love Spell

- Stop it right now. You probably think I'm lying but 2004 Kristen is back and I cannot contain my love for Love Spell. My boyfriends sister gave me a bottle for Christmas (thank you for rekindling my love if you're reading this), and I cannot stop spraying it. I used to drown myself in this scent and was so overwhelmed by it for so long, and haven't had it in years. I think my 2000's pop-punk playlist, along with my bottle of Love Spell is literally bringing me back to my old self, and I could not be more stoked.(And Ps, the packaging is way cuter, and easier to shove in any purse now (including any multicolored coach you may still be adorning.)

What scents bring you back?

Love Always, 

K.

2017.

2016.

The year that came in like a lion, 

and out like one as well.

A true test of faith, love, agility, and focus.

A year of discovery.

A year of changed paths.

A year of self destruction and improvement all at once.

2016 was the hardest year I've ever faced.

I watched as my well planned journey took a detour,

 and shifted my entire mind.

I danced in celebration of finding inner confidence 

and love for myself.

I screamed as everything fell apart, 

and cheered as I saw myself pulling it back together.

Maybe it's not perfect, but it's a work in progress.

That is my 2017 in theory.

A year of rebuilding.

I fucking hate resolutions.

I never make them, 

and I hate hearing about them.

I see ahead now. 

I'm not planning anymore.

I will follow as the run rises and sets.

It's going to be really a test of mind over matter.

Cheers to you, 

for making it through a historically strange year.

Thank you to my followers for reading, 

supporting, and encouraging me always, 

especially through this year through some pretty tough times.

Happy New Year.

I wish any eyes that glance across these words a year of revival.

I love you all, 

K.